Hello readers! Last week I had something happen with my writing that I have not experienced before.

I first wanted to give some information on my writing process. I started Into The Gloaming on Jan 1, 2020. I have posted weekly during that time, making the post I started on last week #31. Each blog post takes me 8-10 hours to write over a period of days. For 31 weeks I haven’t had much difficulty choosing my topics. An idea will pop into my mind and start to grow. I go along.

First draft is more a free flow kind of thing. I will then start the re-writing process. I typically do 4 re-writes and then format it into my blog space, often making last-minute adjustments as I do so. I have found that rewrites 2 and 3 cause me to feel a lot of frustration. After those it will generally take shape and I feel some clarity. At times my posts will go a different way than I thought they would. Sometimes I delete the entire thing in frustration and started over.

I know! This is not really a typical blog (often more of a diary entry.) This is something much larger, to me.

I have chosen, these past few months, to not publicize or promote my blog (much) due to the serious issues in America right now. I recognize that my blogs are heavy and lengthy. 2020 has been heavy enough for nearly everyone. I have continued to write for myself because I have felt compelled to do it. Some of these posts have been quite raw. Comparing the posts I was writing in January to now, I see the steady trajectory of my healing and growth. In January I was in a rage. I had many years of writing stuck inside, forcing it’s way through me. It was, then and now, important for me to reach others who could relate. I have accomplished that and I’ve even had some new friendships form though this. I believe that it is important to share our experiences and struggles with others. I believe that it helps all of us to heal.

Having said all of that – I began writing post #31 “Lilith” on August 2nd. It wasn’t that it didn’t take form. It did. The problem was that the form would change daily. Each day I would find myself on first re-write instead of progressing forward. When I began my blog I had an expectation of myself to post each Wednesday. In the past month or so I have relaxed on that as this sometimes led to me doing nothing on Tuesdays except writing. It would emotionally exhaust me, with my frustration spiraling. Recently I have felt Wed, Thurs, even Friday is fine. Last week all those days passed and I was still stuck and frustrated. Instead of my usual 8-10 hours, “Lilith” it has already taken around 30 hours. And I still was not finished, because it continued to morph daily.

This has also been the first topic that has scared me. I have written pretty extensively on sensitive topics, emotional abuse, suicide, depression, etc. This was the first time I felt fear from the start. Before I even started writing it. ‘ Lilith’ demanded to be written, though, so I dove in.

Now it is August 11th, I should be working on this weeks topic, not still unable to finish last weeks. I have made the decision to put “Lilith” aside until I reach more clarity on it. Because I have spent so many hours at my computer in the past week, this will have to suffice as my weekly post.

Catch you later!