Ok, guys. I haven’t actually been crowned The Bra Queen but bras have been a passion of mine for 30 years and I have some wisdom to impart upon you. If you hate bras, find them unnecessary, can’t wait to get home and tear it off, like the feel of not wearing one – you’re excused. YOU DO YOU. I’m all about it. The rest of you – follow me.

Hey, I get it, believe me. The girls don’t look like they did before you had kids. You always wished they were bigger. You always wished they were smaller. They are constantly sliding around. You don’t feel good about your body since you gained/lost weight. When you hit 40 they started heading south. There’s nothing cute in your size. You can’t find a bra that fits right. I hear you! I’ve been there. In fact, we’ve all been there. We’ve all been dealt body cards we don’t love. We’ve had surgeries, our pregnancies changed us forever, we are getting older, it’s not as easy to control our weight as when we were younger. OR – maybe you are perfectly happy with the body you have. Wonderful! I’m so happy to hear this. Me too! Wherever you’re coming from, we all want to feel the best we can about ourselves TODAY. Why not today? “When I lose weight I’m going to…..” No, sis. No. DO IT NOW.

Here are all the things you need for a magical rack:

• A tape measure – the flexible kind.
• A block of time.
• The patience of a saint. But it will be worth it!

1) Finding Your Size

Finding your size is the first step in this process. In a perfect world, this would be the only step! It’s not, though. It’s just a starting point. I’m going to show you a suprisingly accurate method for bra sizing.

1. Wearing a current bra (it doesn’t matter if you are wearing a shirt or not) run the measuring tape across the bra line in the back and under the arms/over the bust in the front (see photo). This is your band size. (You can also stick with the standard method of running the tape measure around the band of your current bra and adding 4. Why must you add 4? Don’t ask me, it’s ridiculous!) Subscribe to my method, I’ve measured hundreds of busts.
2. Now that you have a band size, run the measuring tape around the fullest part of your bust, keeping the tape parallel to the floor. This is your bust size.
3. Subtract your band size number from your bust size number. This will leave you with a number 1-10 (if it’s not quite 1 or over 10 that’s ok too!) This is your cup size. Convert the number to a letter using the chart below.

Band size + (bust size – band size) = bra size.

2. Consider Your Needs

What are you looking for in a bra? If this is a bra you will wear often, what do you need from it? Full coverage so the ladies aren’t shifting around all day? Is comfort your priority? Versatility? Do you want your size enhanced? Do you want to feel pretty in this bra? Does it matter? I’m going to give you a few things to consider:

1) Color: The Case Against White – white was once the only color you COULD get. All bras were white. I think a lot of us get stuck on believing that bras are supposed to be white because this is what we were exposed to. The only reason to own a white bra is if you particularly love the color. Otherwise – it’s going to get dingy faster. It is visible through any sheer fabric. It’s going to show under a white top HELLO HERE’S MY BRA! It’s going to show under black tops. If you are looking for a basic, everyday, versatile bra – get one close to your skin tone. It will cause the least amount of disruption in your wardrobe and will launder better than white will. What do I have to say about all the other colors – go for it! Hey, get whatever makes you happy and helps you feel good about yourself. But I would definitely reserve 1-2 skin tone bras for practicality.

2) The Difference Between Lining and Padding: There is a difference. It’s not overly important but knowing the difference will help you have the right language to find your perfect bra. Bras come in 3 variations: Unlined, Lined and Padded.

Unlined is just like it sounds. You are going to have a very thin piece of fabric between your breasts and your clothing. If you have issues with reactive nipples, you need to be careful with these unlined bras. In a sales capacity, I met women who absolutely wanted their nipples to show. Hey, go for it! Just make sure that is a conscious choice you are making and not an unintended side effect. Unlined bras are going to give a more natural shape, that is to say, the breast will slope downwards with the weight and fullness of the breast being at the bottom. Again, nothing wrong with this, just make sure it is a conscious choice you are making. When held up by the straps, these bras will not hold a cup shape.

Lined bras are going to have a thicker fabric covering your breasts. This lining may have memory foam in it, it may feel really squishy to you (which is the reason it is often referred to as “padding.” The bulk of lining is going to vary from bra to bra, some add a lot of shaping while others are very slim and sleek. You will not be able to see nipples through a lined bra. When held up lined bras will hold a cup shape and when you put them on your breasts will be that shape. This bra is telling your breasts what to do, not the other way around.

Padded bras are going to add fullness to your breasts. This is accomplished by a pad of foam or silicone built into the bra – it will sit at the bottom of the bra cup (to push breasts up) or at the bottom, outside corner of the bra (to push breasts to the center.) The size of the pad is going to vary by bra. Some will have padding that is quite small, this is going to give you a little lift and add roundness to the top of your breasts. Other padding can add up to two cup sizes. Yes, they absolutely make padded bras all the way up the sizes! This is not only a smaller cup size thing. You will know right away if this is a look you like or not. Most padded bras aren’t going to be subtle in their results.

3) To Underwire or Not: Up to a point, underwires are optional. An underwires job is to anchor the cups of the bra into the band so the breasts have less room to move around. The shape of the cup (and thus your breast) will remain pretty steady during any activity you might be doing. Underwires should not be uncomfortable. If this is the first word that came to your mind, I might suggest you have been wearing the incorrect size or it wasn’t a good bra to begin with. There are a wide variety of wireless bras on the market and they come in all sizes. Personally, I’ve never had good results with one. The first time I bend over I’ve got mashed-together uni-boob and I’m not about it. In fact, it makes me unreasonably irritated. I’m going to pass on the wireless bras – this doesn’t mean you have to, of course.

4) Style: There are an exhausting amount of bra styles out there. I’m going to just hit the basics here. First, some terms for you. Center Gore – the part of bra found between the cups. Underband – the segment of band below the cups. Underband stops when the cups stop. Wings – the segment of band that goes under your arms. Hook/Eye – where the bra fastens.

3) NOW we go shopping!

Ok. So you are armed with your size, you are armed with your bra vocabulary, you can identify the styles you want to try. Excellent! Here’s the part where your patience comes in to play. Sorry! (If you find yourself already out of patience you might shop another day.)

In a perfect world, every bra in your size would fit you magically. It’s not that easy, though. (Of course it’s not!) Each of our bodies are different. You and I could wear the same size but need completely different bras. This is why it’s good to go in armed with what you are looking for. Support? Lift and separate? Cleavage? Enhancement? Feeling pretty?

Bras that give a magic fit are diamonds in the rough. They are worth the trouble, in my opinion – but they are trouble. For several years I was employed by a well-known bra retailer. We carried 28 different styles of bras in my size. I tried on every single one of them one day. Do you know what I found? Out of those 28 styles, THREE fit me magically. The others did fit (a different size wouldn’t have been better) but they were just ok on me. Meh. Nothing special. I felt no “wow.” While working for this same company I helped hundreds of women find their “wow” and even a very common size like 34C meant trying on a number of bras to find the right one. SO – know that going in. You’re going to need to try on some bras. I mean like – grab everything you find in your size that meets your specifications and head to the fitting room.

Bra retailers will often do this for you – you walk in the store and it’s overwhelming. You don’t even know where to start. Walk to the dressing room and say you are looking for such and such and they will give you the bras to try on. I’m pretty brand loyal to the company I worked for. About once a year I will go in, walk straight to the dressing room and ask to try on the new bra styles from that year. They check my size, pull the bra samples out of the boxes they have there, grouped by size, and give me a dressing room. If one of those happens to be a “wow” I will put it aside and ask the sales person where I can locate that bra in the store. They will take me right there and also provide me with a card that states what style and size. Now I can order online if I don’t feel like going to the mall. (I never feel like going to the mall, by the way.)

Here’s my opinion about online shopping for bras. I love shopping online. I do not like going to retail stores. HOWEVER. Unless you have a tried and true style, it is not a good idea to order bras online. Why is this – as I said above. 28 bra styles in my size. THREE of them were “wow’s”. The rest were just ok. Meh. They would work. But I’m about the “wow” and I also want YOU to find your “wow.” There’s no other way around it, they need to be tried on before you purchase them. Imagine ordering fragrance online. You can read the fragrance notes, maybe it sounds like something you would like – but your chances of hitting the right one will be low unless you can smell them in person and smell them on your own skin. It’s an exhausting process BUT it’s a necessary one.

I don’t care where you find your bras. I don’t care how much you spend on them HOWEVER I will tell you this. My response to “I’m not spending that kind of money on something nobody will see” is that I disagree. While the actual bra is under clothing, the silhouette and shape it provides you is visible to everyone, every single day. Without actually staring at your chest, the lines we create go into our non-verbal make-up. When we see a person – without even doing it on purpose – we have a pretty quick idea of who they are. Our clues come from clothing, hair style, posture, confidence and what language we use. Say you spent $70 on a bra. This bra should last you an entire year. That’s .20/day for better confidence and posture. That’s .20/day for the rack you wish nature would have given you. There are sizes that lend themselves to being plentiful and not expensive. The larger size you are, however, the harder you’re going to have to search for your “wow”. And, likely, the more you will have to pay. Once again, though, a good bra should last you a year. It’s a once a year investment.

I won’t tell you how many bras you need to own, that is somewhat personal choice. I personally believe in a minimum of 3, though. One on your body, one in your drawer, one in the laundry. If you find a “wow” – congratulations! Get three of them (different colors if you like) and call it a day.

To be in your best form for this process, don’t roll in out of your pajamas. If you normally wear makeup, wear makeup. If you normally do you hair, do your hair. Wear your favorite jeans. You will be spending time possibly under florescent lighting, this is time consuming, there is a lot of on and off so give yourself a hand and feel good about it when you are let into a dressing room.

4) What Should You Look For In A Fit

1. If possible, you are going to want a comfortable fit on the middle set of hooks. Why – this allows for weight fluctuations. As the bra wears, this gives you the option of going tighter as the bra band stretches. If this isn’t possible, it isn’t, but middle hook is the ideal scenario.
2. Anyone with any amount of body fat is going to have some bulking above the band, but this should not be uncomfortable or overly noticeable.
3. The band should stay parallel all the way around the body. If it pulls up in the back, size down on band.
4. While it’s fine to have a portion of your breasts exposed, when you bend over this should not result in the dreaded “quatro-boob” where you have 4 distinct portions of breast – two in the cups and two above. If this happens you need to size down in the cup measurement, eliminate that particular bra or look for one with a wider center gore (try a balconet style which has a wider and higher center gore than the demi and full coverage styles do.)
5. Everyone with any amount of body fat will have some depression where the strap goes over the shoulder but this should not be uncomfortable. If you are shorter and have issues with straps slipping down, try a racerback style.
6. Gapping in the cup means you need to size down on cup size.
7. Breasts should never droop past the under band. If they do, you need more support. That is not the bra for you.

5) Yay, you made it!

Hopefully by the end of this process you have found your “wow.” If not, bid that store goodbye and on to the next one. Your “wow” is out there somewhere! If you found it, or more than one – CONGRATULATIONS! Buy three and call it a day till next year. Keep the tag so you can order more on-line. Buy one in your favorite color. Well done! Do something nice for yourself, you worked hard for that “wow.” ENJOY!!